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Two and a Half Men • Episodes
Episodes of
Two and a Half Men 2003
2.73 • 0
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Season 1
Pilot
Pilot
4
S1E1 
Big Flappy Bastards
Big Flappy Bastards
3.5
S1E2 
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
4
S1E3 
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
4
S1E4 
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
4
S1E5 
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
3.5
S1E6 
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
4
S1E7 
Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
4.5
S1E8 
Phase One, Complete
Phase One, Complete
4
S1E9 
Merry Thanksgiving
Merry Thanksgiving
4
S1E10 
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
4
S1E11 
Camel Filters + Pheromones
Camel Filters + Pheromones
4.5
S1E12 
Sara Like Puny Alan
Sara Like Puny Alan
4
S1E13 
I Can't Afford Hyenas
I Can't Afford Hyenas
3.5
S1E14 
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
4
S1E15 
That Was Saliva, Alan
That Was Saliva, Alan
4
S1E16 
Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats
Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats
4
S1E17 
An Old Flame With a New Wick
An Old Flame With a New Wick
4.5
S1E18 
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
4.5
S1E19 
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
4.5
S1E20 
No Sniffing, No Wowing
No Sniffing, No Wowing
0
S1E21 
My Doctor has a Cow Puppet
My Doctor has a Cow Puppet
0
S1E22 
Just Like Buffalo
Just Like Buffalo
5
S1E23 
Can You Feel My Finger?
Can You Feel My Finger?
0
S1E24 
Season 2
Back Off Mary Poppins
Back Off Mary Poppins
0
S2E1 
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
0
S2E2 
A Bag Full of Jawea
A Bag Full of Jawea
0
S2E3 
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Go Get Mommy's Bra
0
S2E4 
Bad News from the Clinic
Bad News from the Clinic
0
S2E5 
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
0
S2E6 
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
0
S2E7 
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
0
S2E8 
Yes, Monsignor
Yes, Monsignor
0
S2E9 
The Salmon Under My Sweater
The Salmon Under My Sweater
0
S2E10 
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
0
S2E11 
A Lungful of Alan
A Lungful of Alan
0
S2E12 
Get Off My Hair
Get Off My Hair
0
S2E13 
Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
0
S2E14 
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Smell the Umbrella Stand
0
S2E15 
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
0
S2E16 
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
0
S2E17 
It Was Mame, Mom
It Was Mame, Mom
0
S2E18 
A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise
A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise
0
S2E19 
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
0
S2E20 
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
0
S2E21 
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
0
S2E22 
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
0
S2E23 
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Does This Smell Funny to You?
0
S2E24 
Season 3
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
0
S3E1 
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
0
S3E2 
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
0
S3E3 
Your Dismissive Attidude Towards Boobs
Your Dismissive Attidude Towards Boobs
0
S3E4 
We Called It Mr. Pinky
We Called It Mr. Pinky
0
S3E5 
Hi, Mr. Horned One
Hi, Mr. Horned One
0
S3E6 
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
0
S3E7 
That Voodoo That I Do Do
That Voodoo That I Do Do
0
S3E8 
Madame and Her Special friend
Madame and Her Special friend
0
S3E9 
Something Salted and Twisted
Something Salted and Twisted
0
S3E10 
Santa's Village of the Damned
Santa's Village of the Damned
0
S3E11 
That Special Tug
That Special Tug
0
S3E12 
Humiliation is a Visual Medium
Humiliation is a Visual Medium
0
S3E13 
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
0
S3E14 
My Tongue is Meat
My Tongue is Meat
0
S3E15 
Ergo, The Booty Call
Ergo, The Booty Call
0
S3E16 
The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
0
S3E17 
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
0
S3E18 
Golly Moses, She's A Muffin
Golly Moses, She's A Muffin
0
S3E19 
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
0
S3E20 
And the Plot Moistens
And the Plot Moistens
0
S3E21 
Just Once With Aunt Sophie
Just Once With Aunt Sophie
0
S3E22 
Arguments for the Quickie
Arguments for the Quickie
0
S3E23 
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
0
S3E24 
Season 4
Working for Caligula
Working for Caligula
0
S4E1 
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Who's Vod Kanockers?
0
S4E2 
The Sea is a Harsh Mistress
The Sea is a Harsh Mistress
0
S4E3 
A Pot Smoking Monkey
A Pot Smoking Monkey
0
S4E4 
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
0
S4E5 
Apologies for the Frivolity
Apologies for the Frivolity
0
S4E6 
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
0
S4E7 
Release the Dogs
Release the Dogs
0
S4E8 
Corey's Been Dead For an Hour
Corey's Been Dead For an Hour
0
S4E9 
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
0
S4E10 
Walnuts and Demerol
Walnuts and Demerol
0
S4E11 
Castrating Sheep in Montana
Castrating Sheep in Montana
0
S4E12 
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
0
S4E13 
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
0
S4E14 
My Damn Stalker
My Damn Stalker
0
S4E15 
Young People Have Phlegm Too
Young People Have Phlegm Too
0
S4E16 
I Merely Slept With a Commie
I Merely Slept With a Commie
0
S4E17 
It Never Rains in Hooterville
It Never Rains in Hooterville
0
S4E18 
Smooth as a Ken Doll
Smooth as a Ken Doll
0
S4E19 
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
0
S4E20 
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
0
S4E21 
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
0
S4E22 
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
0
S4E23 
Prostitutes and Gelato
Prostitutes and Gelato
0
S4E24 
Season 5
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
0
S5E1 
Media Room Slash Dungeon
Media Room Slash Dungeon
0
S5E2 
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
0
S5E3 
City of Great Racks
City of Great Racks
0
S5E4 
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
0
S5E5 
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
0
S5E6 
The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room
The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room
0
S5E7 
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
0
S5E8 
Shoes, Hats, Pickle, Jar Lids.
Shoes, Hats, Pickle, Jar Lids.
0
S5E9 
Kinda Like Necrophilia
Kinda Like Necrophilia
0
S5E10 
Meander to Your Dander
Meander to Your Dander
0
S5E11 
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
0
S5E12 
The Soil is Moist
The Soil is Moist
0
S5E13 
Winky-Dink Time
Winky-Dink Time
0
S5E14 
Rough Night in Hump Junction (aka His Ugly Bundle)
Rough Night in Hump Junction (aka His Ugly Bundle)
0
S5E15 
Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
0
S5E16 
Fish in a Drawer
Fish in a Drawer
0
S5E17 
If My Hole Could Talk
If My Hole Could Talk
0
S5E18 
Waiting for the Right Snapper
Waiting for the Right Snapper
0
S5E19 
Season 6
Taterhead is Our Love Child
Taterhead is Our Love Child
0
S6E1 
Pie Hole, Herb
Pie Hole, Herb
0
S6E2 
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
0
S6E3 
The Flavin' and the Mavin'
The Flavin' and the Mavin'
0
S6E4 
A Jock Strap in Hell
A Jock Strap in Hell
0
S6E5 
It's Always Nazi Week (1)
It's Always Nazi Week (1)
0
S6E6 
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
0
S6E7 
Pinocchio's Mouth
Pinocchio's Mouth
0
S6E8 
The Mooch At The Boo
The Mooch At The Boo
0
S6E9 
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
0
S6E10 
The Devil's Lube
The Devil's Lube
0
S6E11 
Thank God for Scoliosis
Thank God for Scoliosis
0
S6E12 
I Think You Offended Don
I Think You Offended Don
0
S6E13 
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
0
S6E14 
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
0
S6E15 
She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
0
S6E16 
The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?
The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?
0
S6E17 
My Son's Enormous Head
My Son's Enormous Head
0
S6E18 
The Two Finger Rule
The Two Finger Rule
0
S6E19 
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
0
S6E20 
Above Exalted Cyclops
Above Exalted Cyclops
0
S6E21 
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
0
S6E22 
Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
0
S6E23 
Baseball with Better Steroids
Baseball with Better Steroids
0
S6E24 
Season 7
818-jklpuzo
818-jklpuzo
0
S7E1 
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
0
S7E2 
Mmm, Fish. Yum.
Mmm, Fish. Yum.
0
S7E3 
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
0
S7E4 
For the Sake of the Child
For the Sake of the Child
0
S7E5 
Give Me Your Thumb
Give Me Your Thumb
0
S7E6 
Untainted by Filth
Untainted by Filth
0
S7E7 
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
0
S7E8 
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
0
S7E9 
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
0
S7E10 
Warning, It's Dirty
Warning, It's Dirty
0
S7E11 
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
0
S7E12 
Yay, No Polyps!
Yay, No Polyps!
0
S7E13 
Crude and Uncalled For (1)
Crude and Uncalled For (1)
0
S7E14 
Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)
Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)
0
S7E15 
Tinkle Like a Princess
Tinkle Like a Princess
0
S7E16 
I Found Your Moustache
I Found Your Moustache
0
S7E17 
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
0
S7E18 
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
0
S7E19 
I Called Him Magoo
I Called Him Magoo
0
S7E20 
Gumby with a Pokey
Gumby with a Pokey
0
S7E21 
This is Not Gonna End Well
This is Not Gonna End Well
0
S7E22 
Season 8
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
0
S8E1 
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
0
S8E2 
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
0
S8E3 
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
0
S8E4 
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
0
S8E5 
Twanging Your Magic Clanger
Twanging Your Magic Clanger
0
S8E6 
The Crazy Bitch Gazette
The Crazy Bitch Gazette
0
S8E7 
Springtime on a Stick
Springtime on a Stick
0
S8E8 
A Good Time In Central Africa
A Good Time In Central Africa
0
S8E9 
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
0
S8E10 
Dead From the Waist Down
Dead From the Waist Down
0
S8E11 
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
0
S8E12 
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
0
S8E13 
Lookin' for Japanese Subs
Lookin' for Japanese Subs
0
S8E14 
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
0
S8E15 
That Darn Priest
That Darn Priest
0
S8E16 
Season 9
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
0
S9E1 
People Who Love Peepholes
People Who Love Peepholes
0
S9E2 
Big Girls Don't Throw Food
Big Girls Don't Throw Food
0
S9E3 
Nine Magic Fingers
Nine Magic Fingers
0
S9E4 
A Giant Cat Holding Churro
A Giant Cat Holding Churro
0
S9E5 
The Squat and The Hover
The Squat and The Hover
0
S9E6 
Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
0
S9E7 
Thank You For The Intercourse
Thank You For The Intercourse
0
S9E8 
Frodo's Headshots
Frodo's Headshots
0
S9E9 
Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
0
S9E10 
A Lovely Landing Strip
A Lovely Landing Strip
0
S9E11 
One False Move, Zimbabwe!
One False Move, Zimbabwe!
0
S9E12 
Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
0
S9E13 
A Possum on Chemo
A Possum on Chemo
0
S9E14 
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
0
S9E15 
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
0
S9E16 
Not In My Mouth
Not In My Mouth
0
S9E17 
The War Against Gingivitis
The War Against Gingivitis
0
S9E18 
Palmdale, Ech
Palmdale, Ech
0
S9E19 
Grandma's Pie
Grandma's Pie
0
S9E20 
Mr. Hose Says Yes
Mr. Hose Says Yes
0
S9E21 
Why We Gave Up Women
Why We Gave Up Women
0
S9E22 
The Straw In My Donut Hole
The Straw In My Donut Hole
0
S9E23 
Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
0
S9E24 
Season 10
I Changed My Mind About the Milk
I Changed My Mind About the Milk
0
S10E1 
A Big Bag of Dog
A Big Bag of Dog
0
S10E2 
Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
0
S10E3 
You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For
You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For
0
S10E4 
That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam
That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam
0
S10E5 
Ferrets, Attack!
Ferrets, Attack!
0
S10E6 
Avoid the Chinese Mustard
Avoid the Chinese Mustard
0
S10E7 
Something My Gynecologist Said
Something My Gynecologist Said
0
S10E8 
I Scream When I Pee
I Scream When I Pee
0
S10E9 
One Nut Johnson
One Nut Johnson
0
S10E10 
Give Santa a Tail-Hole
Give Santa a Tail-Hole
0
S10E11 
Welcome to Alancrest
Welcome to Alancrest
0
S10E12 
Grab A Feather And Get In Line
Grab A Feather And Get In Line
0
S10E13 
Run Steven Staven! Run!
Run Steven Staven! Run!
0
S10E14 
Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
0
S10E15 
Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
0
S10E16 
Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
0
S10E17 
The 9:04 From Pemberton
The 9:04 From Pemberton
0
S10E18 
Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon
Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon
0
S10E19 
Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
0
S10E20 
Another Night With Neil Diamond
Another Night With Neil Diamond
0
S10E21 
My Bodacious Vidalia
My Bodacious Vidalia
0
S10E22 
Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
0
S10E23 
Season 11
Nangnangnangnang
Nangnangnangnang
0
S11E1 
I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
0
S11E2 
This Unblessed Biscuit
This Unblessed Biscuit
0
S11E3 
Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
0
S11E4 
Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
0
S11E5 
Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
0
S11E6 
Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
0
S11E7 
Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
0
S11E8 
Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
0
S11E9 
On vodka, on soda, on blender, on Mixer!
On vodka, on soda, on blender, on Mixer!
5
S11E10 
Tazed In The Lady Nuts
Tazed In The Lady Nuts
0
S11E11 
Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
0
S11E12 
Bite Me, Supreme Court
Bite Me, Supreme Court
0
S11E13 
Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe
Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe
0
S11E14 
Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
0
S11E15 
How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
0
S11E16 
Welcome Home, Jake
Welcome Home, Jake
0
S11E17 
West Side Story
West Side Story
0
S11E18 
Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick
Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick
0
S11E19 
Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
0
S11E20 
Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
0
S11E21 
Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
0
S11E22 
Season 12
The Ol' Mexican Spinach
The Ol' Mexican Spinach
0
S12E1 
A Chic Bar in Ibiza
A Chic Bar in Ibiza
0
S12E2 
Glamping in a Yurt
Glamping in a Yurt
0
S12E3 
Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
0
S12E4 
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
0
S12E5 
Alan Shot a Little Girl
Alan Shot a Little Girl
0
S12E6 
Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
0
S12E7 
Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
0
S12E8 
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
0
S12E9 
Here I Come, Pants!
Here I Come, Pants!
0
S12E10 
For Whom the Booty Calls
For Whom the Booty Calls
0
S12E11 
A Beer Battered Rip-Off
A Beer Battered Rip-Off
0
S12E12 
Boompa Loved His Hookers
Boompa Loved His Hookers
0
S12E13 
Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
0
S12E14 
Of Course He's Dead (1)
Of Course He's Dead (1)
0
S12E15 
Of Course He's Dead (2)
Of Course He's Dead (2)
0
S12E16