Mr. Garrison starts the day off with a special announcement; one of South Park's own has won a national essay contest. Everyone is shocked to learn that the winner is Cartman, who doesn't even remember what he wrote about.
Kyle Broflovski / Kenny McCormick / Ted / Announcer / Weight Gain 4000 Spokesman / Man in Crowd #1 / Man Walking Down Street / Jimbo Kern / Man Greeting Garrison / Bodyguard #1 / Bodyguard #2 / TV Presenter / Man in Crowd #3 (Voice)
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